I'm thankful that I am past the death wish now.....I didn't understand at the time that it was because of my bad marriage....everyone was sure that it was because I lost my computer engineering career in aerospace when it died in California in the mid 1990's....it started the anxiety....but being at home & having to deal with my H & not having a place to escape from him was when the depression hit....which turned into the suicide attempts & then the anorexia started with the prozac was the perfect solution so as NOT to hurt my daughter with the knowledge that her mom ended her life with suicide......

But having left my H......I have a wonderful life now even though it is alone......& I am learning how to be a normal person & communicate with others like a normal person.....(after growing up with dysfunctional parents & a dysfunctional H)....I thought I was the insane one....but I'm learning that I'm NOT....& I'm OK & even though stress hits me....I really do love my life now.....there are things I would change...but it's really wonderful compared to where I came from....& I eat to stay functional & there are a few foods that I enjoy the flavor of.....but I really don't like cooking so I do struggle with eating. I never thought that leaving my H would make such a difference in my life....but I am thankful that it did. There are times I enjoy eating with friends & stuff.....but I never have been able to eat much all my life......on going struggle with that.

I am sure that most of the time treatment for ED's doesn't work because they don't get to the root of the problem.....WHY the desire for suicide?......Why the need for control?.....I know at the treatment center I went to, it was nothing but body image issues they tried to tell us we had.....& I kept telling them they were full of crap....but they think they understand ED's & nothing else can be the cause.....& even when my pdoc & medical MD tried to get me to go to a treatment center...I called many & asked them it they would treat the trauma that caused the anorexia & they stated that all they deal with is body image issues......How JUST PLAIN STUPID!!!!....yes there are some that is true for...but not others & to try to lump everyone into the same mold really pissed me off....& it still does.....but I'm thankful that so far I haven't been haunted by it since I left my marriage 7 years ago.....but with all the dental work I'm having done next year......I know that there is going to be an issue with it that's going to trigger the anorexia.....I just have to be aware & fight it.