I've been stuck with deeply morbid suicidal ideation for over 6 weeks now. I have an eating disorder and can't take medication because it doesn't work for me unless I eat.

The level of sadness is overwhelming and I cry in public uncontrollably. I'm not much fun or worthy of companionship. I've been in the psych ward 3 times so far this year. Once involuntarily. I just want it stop and leave me alone. I feel like I want to die but when I've tried to kill myself I'm terrified by what I'm doing.

I overdosed on narcotics this week and went to the E.R. in an ambulance but I just didn't care that I could have died. The only scary part was not being able to breathe.

I can't seem to identify the source of this black cloud hanging over me but the starvation due to anorexia is big possibility.

Life generally sucks right now.

Lauren Ann