Sunday I tried to overdose with some old meds and my husband rushed me to the hospital. They detained me until last night. Because when they asked if I was still suicidal I said no. I lied to get out of there. That place was making it worse.

And one of the doctors told me I'm doing someyhing wrong. I shouldn't be having these thoughts after a year of meds and therapy. Is he right? Am I doing something wrong? My counceling place called and said my councilor wants me to see soneone else that would be able to see me more often. I hung up because I was upset. Idk what to do I can't go through another councilor switch.

The biggest problem is I still want to die. I want to leave this illness and all its destructive problems behind. I want my husband to find a better wife that will cook and clean for him everyday and always be happy with him. A mom for my son that won't get so overwhelmed and cry in front of him so often. And I want to leave my thoughts forever. The voices. The visions. The hallucinations. The harm I cause everyone.

I feel like they are all punishing me by wanting me to stay. I want them to just let go. And everyone that cares is all that is keeping me tethered to this world.