Sometimes a new set of eyes is a good thing; I hope a new T can help you in ways the old T didn't. I know it is difficult to break a new one in but it is worth a try.

I understand about wanting to be free of yourself, free from your sadness but killing yourself isn't really a solution and your child would never get over it and would wonder if he caused it. I don't have first hand info there but this is what I get from other posters on PC who have had family commit suicide.

Have you gone inpatient ever? It is a good way to try new meds and they can evaluate your response in a safe environment.