I talked to her the other day. I just don't feel connected. It was awkward. (on my part)

I think it has something to do with her trying to reassure me ten years ago that she had no plans on dying...and this recent illness scared me. What doe a Petunia do then? Runs away.

(I had just lost my brothers then and was highly paranoid in investing any of myself in any relationship)

I think it shook up all the old fears. And has become a trust issue again. It's kinda complicated.