T gave me some options:
1. Crisis House (Her first choice, but I don't want to go)
2. Hospital (I don't want to go because of how they treated me)
3. My moms (That place is full of chaos)
4. Give the pills to my fiance when he goes to school (Her concern is that I would figure out a different method)
5. Go to school with my fiance.

We chose for me to go to school with my fiance.

I told her I felt guilty for her having to call. I told her that I felt like I was disappointing her because I feel like I should be able to handle this on my own with my coping skills. She was sweet. She said she is a coping skill for me. She said everyone should have someone to reach out to when they need it. And I should be able to reach out to anyone on my "support team". She said she is proud of me.

I told her that having these thoughts isn't fair. I don't want them. I don't choose to have them. She said she knows. That in reality I don't want to die.

She told me to bring my dogs and the book I'm supposed to be reading. She also told me to fill out some worksheets to challenge my thoughts. And she wants me to update her in 2 hrs.

I'm so grateful for her. She never gets mad at me even though I fear she will. I know how much I worry her when I'm in this state, yet she tells me she trust me. She never takes the control away from me except if a time comes where I absolutely need it.