Sorry if this is in the wrong place or too long, but I would like some advice.
I don't know where to start. I am a 17 year old girl, but I am still short, and I look and sound young. I am pale white, I have blue/grey eyes, and I have curly brown hair (looks really light brown when straightened). I feel as I have no place in the world at all. I was never liked well, for being "weird" or "ugly". As a matter of fact, there are way more negative things said about me than positive things. I was isolated quite a lot, and eventually my parents stopped paying attention to me as well and just gave me computers. Since an early age I was always looking at other languages and countries (Which lead to me having good "navigation skills"). I love languages and history of other countries. I've tried learning quite a lot... but I have never been successful at it. I am currently trying a language now, one that I am able to read quite a bit of. But, the problem is I get no support for it. I have no teachers for any of it. I don't even have genuine emotional support for that. I learn everything from books and observing people on the internet. To me, encouragement means everything. I've never gotten any. I feel as though I have no talents, and I feel just like I'm a mistake sometimes. My IQ is really average. I know people say "you are special in your own way" and "you have a place in this world" but I don't feel it at all. I'm honestly tired of everything, but I do have my friends. It is a bit hard though, my friends aren't in the same country as me. It would be just hard in general to go visit them. I would like to live near some, but that's pretty much impossible for me. There's a much deeper thing bothering me, and that's the kindest people in my life are gone. One I haven't talked to for a year and they forgot my existance (or hate me). The other is dead.