BellaLoca,

I am very sorry you have experienced that reaction in your effort to get sober and slowly learn to live your life in a healthier way. I think you will get more support from AA meetings where others have worked the steps and support staying sober and understand that alcoholism "is" a disease.

I am not an alcoholic myself but my husband was a binge alcoholic and has been involved with AA and sober now for 24 years. He also runs a meeting every week and will attend meetings whenever he is stressed to get support and a healthier mindset.
However, my husband got involved with alcohol because he struggled not only with compulsive ADHD, but also dyslexia and he used the alcohol to self medicate for his low self esteem and also because his compulsive ADHD was relentless so the alcohol in his mind gave him an escape. He went undiagnosed or untreated for his compulsive ADHD, and for a long time the connection between alcoholism and that challenge as well as self medicating for depression or a history of trauma/stress was not realized.

So what people do not understand about alcoholism, is that it isn't something a person "just gets over" and there often is something underneath that condition the person was trying to escape from somehow. The addiction is both physical and psychological and while it is hard to "stop", the physical addiction is much easier to get over, than the psychological. When my husband finally got sober, he was constantly going to meetings, and I went from being alone because he drank, to being alone because his effort to stay sober took most of his attention and for a very "long time" too.

I myself suffer from PTSD, and people don't get that either and tend to give me the constant "just get over it" messages too.

I think that you have made the right choice in making the effort, that had to be "your choice" too, so it is important that you make sure you spend more time with people who can support and understand that and ignore those who don't respect this challenge. I do recommend going to AA meetings and finding a sponser for support. It may take you some time to find a group that fits for you, but keep trying.

Welcome to PC too by the way.

((Supportive Hugs)))

OE