Tongalee, your dream expresses a very real fear that many other posters have said they experience in their waking life. If they tell their T about the abuse or SI or Sui thoughts or about the darkness they feel, they worry their T will abandon them, reject them, hate them, not take them seriously or treat them in some other insensitive way.

This fear is expressed in different ways by different posters and there are several threads that are active now or have been in the last few days where posters have said they can't tell their T or face their T or don't know what to say or they think their T hates them or is disgusted by them or doesn't take them seriously.

It sounds as if your dream was expressing a similar fear. If you allow your T to see your trauma, you're afraid that T's reaction will be devastating.

It was a dream. Not waking life. Experienced therapists know their patients have many fears around doing trauma work, including fears that their T will not be able to help them. It's all right to tell T about your dream. It was your unconscious mind expressing your very real fears, maybe fears you find it hard to express consciously. It's all right. Dozens of other posters here at Psych Central have the same fears.

I wish you the best and hope you can look your T in the eye and say, "I want to tell you about a really upsetting dream."