I think that there comes a time when you will need to find a therapist that works for you. I know you do not like it when I say you need to put in to it to get something out of it but it is true.
Also, I think that it might be important for you to know that if you open your eyes to those around you.... like on here....you will find that there are similarities between you and others. There may be ways that we differ but many ways that we are similar.
How might we help you? What do you need from us? Let us know.
Feelings of talking about suicide here are probably discouranged due to those that are similar to you that may be feeling suicidal and talking about it might rile people up. It is a matter of keeping yourself and others safe. It is the kind thing to do for all involved.
You need to let others in to your network to help you .... us, a therapist, others, etc... in order to take care of you and start feeling better. Let us know what you would like from us.
When you wish to kill yourself...you find ways to change your mindset by doing other things to keep yourself busy. You keep yourself busy. You ask for help. You find what works for you. Most of all you go to therapy and try to allow the therapist to help you... and open yourself up to the possibilities of what needs to happen for you to feel better.
Allow yourself to heal some....and allow your wounds to be dressed and close enough so that they are opened as needed to help in the healing process.
Take care of you.... You have a future out there just waiting for you.... and it CAN be positive and certainly better than how you feel now. Best wishes.
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