^^ Honestly... I don't understand how you were denied! That is crazy to me. Did the place offer a referral to somewhere else? Is there a dual diagnosis program you could to that works with both ED and Addiction? Down here, there's a place called The Ranch that does just that - though it can get somewhat expensive. Was it the program or your insurance that denied? Are there other options??? This doesn't have to be the end... no matter how horrible and depressing and hopeless it feels.


Today... one of those days where I didn't want to eat a damn thing. It took me about 4 hours to eat my breakfast, and let's just say that was way under what a breakfast should look like. I get into these places where food feels so un-appealing, so ridiculously pointless, that I just don't want it. I made myself eat lunch and dinner tonight... though none of my meals will satisfy the objective mind. Eating something is better than eating nothing, so I will continue to eat something. Meanwhile, my # is slowly going down on the scale. I told my therapist that I need a limit - some sort of relapse intervention plan. We're going to look at that more on Monday.

And that part of me... that part that wants to keep going. Give up and let the weight fall off. It wouldn't be that hard. I'm at that in-between place. It's about equidistant weight wise to gain back to where I'm "healthy" and to drop down to where my #'s trigger the official anorexia diagnosis. It's an awkward place to be. But for today, I can eat something. I refuse to give up completely. Starving won't solve anything. No matter what lies it tells me.