I'm not the best person to give advice on how to act around men... or at least men that you are interested in and would date, could date, but aren't sure about anything related to dating. As for learning to trust men again... one of the best things that helped me was by accident. I was paired with a male trauma therapist. I freaked at first, but in that therapy relationship I found that there really were decent men out there who could listen, learn, love, respect, and feel. I learn that I could trust a guy with my story and he wouldn't hurt me. Very, very different scenario... but it did help.

Maybe that's a place to start? Work with someone who you can always "fire" if it's not going well - low stakes, no need to see the person in your personal world - but someone who is male and can help you learn to trust men again? And more importantly, trust yourself around men??

No idea if that would help... but I read your post and wanted to let you know that you're not alone. And you are SO not alone in being that person who presents very, very well but is falling apart inside.