I don't know what to do right now. I feel like sobbing and I want my t, but at the same time I never want to see her again.

I had a terrible night last night. I have this recurrent dream, which is actually more of a flashback, where I'm little again and locked in a room with my abusers. I'm being held onto the bed and not safe. This dream always really upsets me, but last night took it to a new level of hell for me. As bad things were starting to happen, my t bursts in door. I could feel myself get so overwhelmed with happiness that some one was there to help me, I started crying and calling for t to help me. To my surprise and beyond belief disappointment, my t started laughing at me and left the room. The dream continued as it always does until I woke myself up in a sweat. My bed was soaked and I was so shaken that I couldn't move for almost an hour. I went about my day and tried not to think about it, but I have t tomorrow and am feeling truly terrified and heart broken.

Had any one ever had a dream similar, or where their t was hurting then? Please tell me I'm not alone in this, please. What do I say to my t? How do I even walk in that room again, see her face again?