Firebird,

Wow. You are dealing with so much. You must have incredible strength. I do think you need someone in your life to help you along. Even if not a T, a pastor, or friend. There have been times I have offered to talk to my friend once a week just about how she was doing. Maybe you could share with someone.

Also. I'd do some stress-reliving activities. Often its nice to go to the park and just sit and take a journal.

Know that we care so much!! Keep writing.