Hey everyone,

This is a subject I am extraordinarily embarrassed to talk about. I've been contemplating bringing it up in therapy before - but I have only hinted at it. I think my therapist at one point may have caught on, but perhaps not.

Anyways, thought it would be fun to share here and perhaps there are others who can relate on some level. Please feel free to respond if you relate to anything I'm about to write...

Every-time I get sad, lonely, anxious, depressed - empty or feeling bombarded by stress - I have a deep desire (even compulsion) to go out and get something. In my case, this particular something happens to be diapers...

(That was really hard for me to admit. I hope no one hates me...)

I have recently learned that it may in fact be called a transitional object. According to several websites, (I don't know how to officially reference on here - so I will just copy words), this is the definition of a transitional object: "A comfort object, transitional object, or security blanket is an item used to provide psychological comfort, especially in unusual or unique situations, or at bedtime for small children."

I have had this desire for as long as I can remember. I remember being 4 or 5 and wanting to wear them - but wasn't allowed to. Over the years I have suppressed the desires - and only recently have I started to wear them when I am in the middle of turmoil and deep emotional pain. When I am in emotional pain, I have dreams - deep-rooted dreams, vivid and sometimes recurring dreams - about wearing diapers. In the dreams: I feel safe and whole and nurtured. I feel looked after and loved. I feel free. I'd say that is my primary attraction to them. My desire to wear is greatly intensified when I am in terrible emotional pain - otherwise - they rarely, if ever; come into mind. When I am doing well I do not need them - and often times struggle with guilt for needing or wanting such a thing. I have battled with self esteem in relation to these desires - unsure what to think about it and ultimately coming to a conclusion that I may in some way - be a horrible person because of it.

Anyways, they do work for me. They calm me down and bring a level of security that I lack out and in the world. For that reason I've come to see them as a tool to utilize when I am out of control and must self soothe when no one else is around to help.

Does anyone else relate to this? Does anyone else have objects that they find a deep-rooted attraction to? Perhaps something that you have been doing for years but never knew why?


Thanks,
HD7970GHZ