It sounds like you are acting "passive/agressive" with men and that results in not having productive relationships. If you are nice to them one minute and then on the more aggresive side the next, men don't get that and tend to react poorly.

It is hard to know what to say further because a lot depends of the "culture" you are in too.

Also, if you are dating guys your age, they are not going to understand what a healthy relationship is either. Men in their late teens and 20's are just trying to find themselves, and their hormone levels are in high gear as well. They are no where near ready to lead some female into "bliss", they are way too imature for that. Obey? well, while some cultures teach women to obey, that is not really how a healthy relationship forms.