Mostly my T and discuss boundaries as relates to me--my boundaries and how I am unsuccessful at establishing and holding them. I let him worry about his own boundaries, and I focus on examining the problems relating to my own. I feel as though I do set boundaries but don't know how to keep people from walking all over them. I need lessons in this. I do feel T is very respectful of my boundaries (maybe the only person in my life who is). If we get to a topic that is too much of a hot potato for me, and I veer away or say I don't want to talk about it, he is very respectful of that. He lets me choose the topics and the direction and doesn't walk over my boundaries inappropriately. He knows I will return to the difficult topics when I am able.

I had never heard the term "boundaries" in this context until I started therapy. My T did talk about his own boundaries once. I didn't really want to have that conversation. I had asked very early on in my indirect dream fashion for self-disclosure from him--I wasn't going to "play ball" in therapy without that. Luckily, I was with a humanistic T who was able to provide what I needed. He did tell me at one point that he wasn't going to be my friend (outside of therapy) and we weren't going to spend time in therapy talking about his problems. I remember feeling like that was really a slap in the face, as I hadn't asked for that stuff, in fact, I would have been terrified to see him outside of therapy. So I felt rejected when I hadn't even made the attempt to put myself out there. I remember kind of snapping at him that I wasn't at all confused about our relationship, that it was hard to be confused when only one of us was paying the other $125 each week. I look back on that now and laugh, but at the time, it didn't feel good.

With my current boss, we were good friends before she hired me and have maintained our friendship. We sometimes get together outside of the office, just like we used to before I worked there. I've worked there 8 years and this has not been a problem for us.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I felt kind of stupid the first time my T used the word 'transference'

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
My T has never used that term in therapy. But we do engage in it. I learned about it by reading at psych sites online and in books, such as "In Session," that book about the bond between women and their therapists. I have been floored to experience it, but T and I don't go all jargony about it. He just lets me experience it, and our bond has grown. He sometimes makes transference interpretations, and I will too. I have not had too much of the negative transference, mostly the positive. And now, I am just strongly attached to the guy, and happy in that.

Another bit of jargon: sometimes T talks about "the frame." I've read about this too, the therapeutic frame. I never question him when he uses this term, I wonder if he knows I know what it is?