this is my problem. I am trying to change my reality. Thats what this is about. Not in a temporary way. It is important because the way i see my world makes me depressed. Not as a symptom of depression but before that. Of course it got worse then but i can tell the exact topics you have to talk to me about to cause me a really bad time. So for me it is not enough to wait until its over because my reality makes it very likely to come back.

I tried to find another prrspective. In which there are good things waiting for me in the future and i also wanted proove that things can actually change and im not stuck like this forever. And wow, this was a total failure!