Thanks. I probably am.
I usually act such that men don't want to interact with me. Which for me is great. If they don't interact with me then I'm much less likely to be sexually harassed or assaulted.
Problem is, he isn't doing that. And I don't know even if I'm doing it or how and when. But I am sure I am. I know it's not him, and yet I am afraid of all men. And he is a man.

But I want to be a good friends. I don't know how to do that with women - but I am learning. I try really hard to be a good friend but I am still having to learn when I'm being really nice and being used and when I am not interacting properly. I am really guarded. I don't usually want to let people in at all. But I also want friends because being alone sucks.
I have asked peers for help with this in the past. Usually that gets me into abusive relationships that i am told are normal and just get used. I seriously wish i could take a class on all this - but not really.