I have gotten some satisfaction from my relationship with my husband, and from succeeding in my work at times. But it's not enough to make life worth living, at all. It's more like something I can rationalize about in order to keep myself going. Relationships, or more precisely inability to form them, has been a huge drag on the system, for me. Children, never wanted them, horrified that we keep reproducing and over-using the planet and thinking we should colonize Mars to save our species, because we're on course to continue wrecking the planet.

Everything I most deeply value is being continually mowed down in the name of progress, and any hard-won conservation reserve in the long term is continually at risk of being carved up in the name of progress. It's happening in my town this week and around the world constantly.

Does that make sense?