Sounds like you have some deep deep hurt.
That kind of rage means you may have some massive pain you're covering up with your murder diary.
Are you talking to anyone professional?
I think I would.
That's just me.
*big warm friendship hug*
__________________
"What a liberation to realize that the,
'voice in my head' is not who I am.
Who am I then?
The one who sees that."
~Eckhart
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