tw because i just don't know.



So the other day during my session t asked me a question that I didn't think too much about at the time but it has me really wondering now. She asked me if I ever felt like I was adopted when I was a kid. I don't think I ever thought it in so many words, and I told her "I don't know." I do know that I never felt like I really belonged. The rest of my family is loud and boisterous, I have always been shy and reserved. My siblings all ran home from school to try to be first to show Mom their work from school but I would go straight to my room and prefer to be alone until dinner. Stuff like that. I've been thinking about it a lot and I want to know what made her ask me that. I'm going to ask her about it next week when we talk again. I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm not adopted since I look so much like my mom and my grandma, that's not the issue anyway at my age, but what is the issue is what thinking about my childhood is making me feel. Like there's something hiding that is skirting around my consciousness that I can't remember. Weird because while we were talking the other day I kept feeling that way too even before she asked the question - like we were very very close to something - I don't know what. This has been on my mind for 2 days now and I don't know what to think. Just wanted to try to start sorting this out and I know my husband won't want to hear this since I really don't know anything. He'd just say "I don't know" and go back to the tv. This all started with my working with my guilt and trying to figure out where this huge guilt complex that I have began. I feel so weird right now. I want to know but I don't want to know. I want to talk to t.... I don't so much know what my point is typing this except to get it out of my head for awhile maybe.