sometimes I think I cannot describe well what I am experiencing. not concerning my emotional condition -I think most people here understand- but rather it's difficult to explain my context and I try to tell what's happening in a way that people can understand but it's never exactly right (same when talking to my T).

my situation is very strange. I am involved in a context that includes only few other people and my work and my private life are connected in a way that I cannot separate. I have hardly any hobbies or interests that are not a part of that. actually nothing. and honestly I am not interested in anything else. this is my life and I chose it and I cannot reverse it. even if I leave and not talk to anyone again that I know now I still have so much grown into this context that I cannot just go back to a more normal life. well, so I am not very successful right now in neither way and I have some difficulty finding ANYTHING to do that is not triggering because everything is related. (there is tons of things I am supposed to do though!)
(AND I don't want to leave it! I'm struggling with many difficulties and it would be much easier sometimes to be out of there but I can't do it. this is all my life.)

with so few people I share this it is very complicated to make contact with those that have nothing to do with it. I've got nothing to talk about with people from outside and they don't understand my life either. they ask me annoying questions and have stereotypes in mind that are very offensive. mostly. and everything I do becomes this funny little soap-opera for the people I know. right now I feel really ridiculous. it's like everybody knew that this was not going to work except me. and then everybody was watching my drama. I guess they think of me as the pathetic person I am. but all I wanted to do is try something instead of being depressed and frozen.