I feel for you and your suffering. When your mind gets to racing and you can't think you can't make good decisions. Try to sit down somewhere, take some deep breaths, listen to some quiet music and see if you can slow down. I hope and pray you get the help you need to make it through this crisis. There are a lot of people on this forum who care about what happens.

The vision of your goodness will sustain me through the cold
Take my hand now to remember when you find yourself alone
You are never alone… (John Denver)
Mars