I don't know how censored to be here so I apologize if its too open.
I am a survivor of a one-time sexual abuse. I've wavered in my healing but feel I'm healed and "past it".
Now the issue is affecting the sexual relationship with my marriage and I don't feel my husband is considerate toward my feelings.

There are certain things that trigger bad memories and remind me of the trauma, shame, and helplessness. When I ask him to avoid doing those things he says I'm not being considerate of his feelings as a male and the things he wants to do are normal and it's not fair to him. He says if I'm still having issues with something that happened 15 years ago that I need to go to counseling. (And not in a compassionate tone, he's frustrated and wants me to get over it enough that it doesn't reappear in our relationship)
I spent 3 consecutive years in counseling after it happened and off and on after that. The issue only comes up in this area of my life and I feel I'm healed and don't need counseling because I believe certain things may always trigger the memory. There will always be a sensitivity around it but I don't believe I need more counseling.

The only counseling I think we both need is how to agree to disagree over such a heavy and hurtful thing. Until we find a counselor, I just want advice about how to get through. He says I'm being selfish and not caring about our marriage or his needs.
I'm not refusing him altogether there are just specific things I don't feel comfortable with and sometimes I try to suppress the memory and follow through. Sometimes it becomes too much and I have to ask him to stop.
Am I being unrealistic? Is there a point where the memory won't trigger my feelings of helplessness? Do I need more healing?
I'm so disgusted with his lack of empathy that I don't even want to be around him. What can we do until we get into counseling?