I am glad you got that straightened out Mowtown. Your therapist is right on track with you being exposed to an individual that posed a constant threat to you growing up. When a person experiences that kind of situation it is a constant "stress" and a child and young adult doesn't have the where with all to really understand how to deal with that.

A "stress breakdown" that is refered to as PTSD, is a "real" challenge and when this happens to a person they are physiologically challenged and as you know that is also "scary and stressful" too. Unfortunately, if a person is also misdiagnosed and further confused, that is only going to make that person even more frightened and stressed, which only aggrivates the already challenging condition.

In that video that I posted where that man explained what is going on physiologically it is easier to understand the challenge and work on healing rather than feeding into it unknowingly. It is unfair to a patient to diagnose them as Bipolar when in reality that person is experiencing the ups and downs of the physiological challenge with "stress build up" where that person builds up cortisol to surpress whatever painful memories/traumas are there.

If you look at how you tried to "self help" Mowtown, you will see that what you did was not bad or criminal in anyway. You actually, without realizing it, did "good things" to help yourself. However, you really did not have an understanding of "why" you kept struggling. You said, "I am going to prove them wrong", well, you always did that Mowtown in one way or the other. However, you were often alone in that effort and your other family members continued the dysfunction because they chose to "enable and be codependent". Unfortunately, that happens all too often in dysfunctional families and when a child finally has more "life experience and knowledge", looking back on that dysfunction and how it manifested into what different individuals are "in the now" because of the dysfunction, it is very hard to "see in the reality" of now.

When "any" child grows up not having parents that really "parent them" and that child ends up somehow having to step into a role of being the parent themselves, that child misses out on something "important". If there is more than one child in that scenario,"all" the children struggle in their own way and end up with some "cognitive distortions" in their coping too. That is what you have been dealing with in your other family members, because if that was not the case, your other family members would be much more open to understanding your challenge and helping you with much more "healthy supportive" interactions.

However Mowtown, you have actually seen this happen elsewhere too. The common red flag is when dealing with "estates", something you have seen for yourself right?

Well, right now you are on a long deserved journey of healing and growing Mowtown. If you really take an inventory by stepping back and looking at the entire situation you grew up in and how you managed that situation, you were never "guilty" of anything.

A big part of the healing is "grieving what was lost" through no fault of one's own. Also understanding how you did your best given the circumstances you grew up in too. But to also come to a realization that you are not, and never have been "guilty" of anything, you did whatever you knew "how" to do, and often most people realize how little help they had while they were busy "surviving" too. It is also important to realize the capacity for anyone at the different ages you were to understand "what to do" in different life challenges too.

There are definitely "stages of healing" when it comes to what is called "complex PTSD". It took "years" of surviving different "stress traumas" that led to this "stress breakdown", so "healing" doesn't take place over night. The truth is that "many" people are challenged and my guess is eventually when science catches up, a lot of the things that challenge different people will be better understood to where a person doesn't have to struggle so much and better help and understanding will take place.

Making peace with your past and then moving forward is what is important. It's your life, choose to learn and grow.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE