I had asked, or he asked, this "friend" to come over this weekend. I honestly don't know if he is a friend. I've told him I'm not interested in sex. Met him in February, just texts and I even drove twice to see him. He did the same to see me. Then heard nothing from him all summer. So I don't know why, desperation I guess, I text him to say hi and we have been doing that for a month or so. I get sick of him suggesting friends with benefits.
I wish a man could just realize there is much more to a relationship than that, and I'm honestly not attracted that way and you'd think he would know that. I'm a generous person so I would take him out to eat or make something. The way I feel today I just want to forget it because my place is a mess and I'm sooo tired. But I just want company. There isn't many friends, only one gf who lives far and is always busy with her own life. It is thanksgiving weekend here and now without my ex I feel like this year is very strange without "family" together.

I do get so lonely and tired of looking after my son. I wish someone would take me out and could take care of things for a while.

I'm thinking about church this weekend instead. That would give me something.
Problem is my son wont go with.

I hate that I'm not being the mother I should be. I could just stay in my misery soup and sleep away my life if it wasn't for him.

If you aren't a parent, be glad you aren't responsible for another human being. It is I know supposed to be something people love to do, but when you realize what a sick world it is becoming, and you love your child but aren't able to force yourself to do what is right, then you live with guilt.