You have talked about being abused growing up, have you been getting help for this? It sounds like you have a very hard time managing "stress" and I am wondering if you "may" be experiencing some "PTSD" symptoms. You are such a pretty young girl, I think you deserve to have someone help you and I am concerned about your having to deal with suicidal thoughts at times, which is brought on by stress and not knowing how to manage that stress better. Now, I am in no way diagnosing you, but I see the stress with you and you really deserve to have help with that by an understanding caring person.

((Hugs))
OE