I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years now . About 3 and a half years ago I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar. It was ugly. I have since learned that I had to be restrained because I wouldnt let anyone touch me and was sceaming about specific sexual acts that I would not let them do to me . I cant remember most of the time that I was hospitalized . As part of my therapy I have been seeing a therapist for the last 3 years. During our sessions the sexual abuse I suffered was revealed. from the age of 4 until 15 I was abused off on on by several different people in my life . Twice I was sexualy assualted and finally at the age of 15 I was raped repeatedly by my "stepbrother". I never talked to anyone about the abuse I suffered until my "breakdown".
It is extremly painfull to talk about these issues with my husband . At this time I can not have sex with my husband . Any atempt at sexual relations ends up with me crying and in a fetal position . I have given my husband letters explaining my feelings , but after a few weeks the pressure for sex returns . I am at my wits end . I want my Marraige back . I want to enjoy the sexuality my body and mind were created to enjoy. But I can not heal our relationship on my own.
Has anyone dealt with something like this ? Do you have any ideas on how to get my husband to join in therapy? My marriage is crumbling .
My hands are shaking at the thought of sharing this in such a public way , but I am desparate. I appreciate anyone of you willing to share your personal experiences to help me .
Thank you ,
Sher