Hi everyone! I'm coming here with a burden that I've realized is too big for me to carry alone or at least not share with someone. Why online? Because I don't want my loved ones to think of me as an evil man as it's hard to come by as a good one when I'll tell you all what I'm about to tell.

Disclaimer: Yes, love is a strong word. But I believe I'm capable of wielding it. I'm 22 years. I should have an idea of what love is.

So, about 2 months back I met this wonderful girl. We got to know each other and the from the very start I noticed we have somekind of a connection. I grew close and a lot of the girls would say that we grew very close (as she does have a boyfriend).

We would have late night chats about the world and stuff and did stuff together. Then one night we came back from a walk and ate a little (we live the same dorm, in neighbouring rooms) things got intense. I have no idea what happened but instead of a spark there was this flame that would not die out.
I told her about this weird feeling and she said she felt it too and that she felt physically attracted to me. We never did anything on that night but we did say that we felt sexual desire for one another.

Then weeks went by and we often found ourselves by ourselves. We would talk about how we felt and the world and stuff but also we would touch each other softly.

At this point I thought that if I knew my girlfriend would be doing this with another guy I'd be pissed and heartbroken and couldn't stand it. If we were smart we'd stop this before anyone got hurt.

Still, feeling all that didn't stop me from kissing her. It was amazing I'll stop it at that but the next morning I woke up feeling like an evil man. But it felt so natural and pure and good at the same time.

After that we've kissed several times. To us it feels natural and like something we should be doing. Last thursday she spent the night at my room as both of our roommates were gone. It felt good. It felt right. Even she said it.

Now we have a week long vacation from school and I won't be seeing her for a week. She'll be spending it with her boyfriend and thinking of them together hurts me like crazy. I'm feeling lonely and confused as to what I should do.

She knows I have feeling for her as I have told her about them and she has said she might feel as well but isn't ready to face those feelings and is afraid of admitting them. I know she has feelings because when I'm with other girls she is jealous of them.

I know I'm falling in love with her if not already am in love. For gods sake I've written poems about her. Poems!!! Is it wrong to feel this way? Am I a bad person for doing the things I've done? Is it wrong to be jealous of their time spend together? I mean they should be doing that since they're a couple. But does it mean they're meant to be? Don't I stand as good of a chance?

To tell a bit more about me. 2 years ago my ex left me and it broke my heart to pieces. I was depressed a long long time and have made huge leaps in these 2 months in mental health by being around positive people and changing my field of study.

But most of all this girl makes me feel good about myself which is kind of a big deal. She made me realize that there still are people who might be attracted to me.

I don't know if there's a one huge question that I'd like to ask. I've asked my questions already. I just wanted to get this out in to the world.

Thank you for reading this and a bigger thank you for those who read all of it. Anykind of comment is welcomed.

Thanks !