((((((Esther)))))

You have been working on very painful core issues. I don't know for sure, because I have not gotten as far as you have in my therapy but I believe that if you could tell your T that the transference is too much for you maybe she can help you manage it better. I remember once tellng my T how difficult it was for me when he was away for 3 weeks and it was almost impossible for me to get back into the groove so to speak when he returned. He looked at me and said, "I'm just going to rephrase this for you. You missed me." It sounded so simple that I just smiled and was able to begin again. He managed it for me and made it ok. Maybe your T can do this for you.

I hope you can take good care of yourself and your pain diminishes.