I can relate, hugely.

I feel alone most of the time, whether I have my kids around me or not. They are great for grounding me at times but at other times I just feel so alone, as if there is a giant wall between me and everyone else.

I can be in a really beautiful spot like that and it just makes dying seem more appealing! I have no idea why either.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. I'll sit with you (virtually) and we can feel alone side by side.