"I have to give him a reason to want to be with me"
If I understand correctly, Army guy is telling you to give HIM a reason he should be with you?! This is not a job interview (I hate this logic even in that context) and he isn't entitled to your affection. You're right to be offended at that comment. Cutting him out of your life would be best no matter what happens with your bf. He seems like a type of person who will just bring drama. Deal with the issues with your bf separately. There's no way to handle this that isn't going to be difficult.