Draw each activity that you describe as giving you bad memories and experiences on a separate sheet of paper. Spend some time with the drawings - add words that hurt or write the names of people who manipulated you in doing what you didn't like.

Then, take a box of matchsticks and drive somewhere when you can burn the pile of paper discreetly and without doing anything illegal (city ordinances might prohibit fire, so maybe drive far into the country).

Once you return home, write down everything you liked about TravelingLady's advice in a spreadsheet, in a column (A), one thing beneath the next. In the next column (B), list qualities that you already possess or feelings you already experience that make it possible for you to get to your goal. In column C, write qualities that you think you lack but might acquire that would bring you further to the goal.

I think it is more than enough for starters. From time to time you can review the spreadsheet to see how you are progressing towards the goal.