Two months was the last time I SI, now I did it again. Unfortunately. Only this time, I am slightly worried because I start my new job on Wednesday and I'll me going out swimming with my family this Tuesday. I'd figured I just put make-up or something over the scars before I go to work and not worry about it or maybe wear something long sleeved. Things for my plans on Tuesday, I'm not so sure about though. Last time I got caught, my mom got angry and punished me for it. I really would not want her to find out again and for things to get worse, but I can't stop.

The reason I SI'd again was because my dad forgot to get his pocket knife back after I used it earlier for whittling sticks. Now that I had it, I took it home with me and soon starting messing with it. Next thing I knew I sub-consciously started cutting while mindlessly watching TV, not even considering my surroundings. It's like it was an average thing to do, I wasn't angry, sad, I was just numb and emotionless.

I'm not even regretful or caring for what I did, all I did was get up look at the cuts and put ointment on them and went back to putting the knife away and watching TV again.

What's wrong with me?