Quote:
Originally Posted by celtic.starlite
I can talk about the abu*e I have suffered throughout my life. I can talk about my anxiety, my depression, my PTSD, and I can even talk some about my SI (can talk a lot about it online). I have a hard time talking about my issues with eating.
About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with anorexia. I can tell you that it started many years before that. Very recently, I've learned that there is a difference between anorexia and AN. Apparently anorexia is the lack of appetite. Anyways, that doesn't really matter, I'm avoiding talking. Sorry.
I haven't been eating much in the last two weeks again. I went from noon yesterday to now, 6:30pm, and all I've eaten is two eggs. I'm not hungry. I have lost nearly 5 pounds this week alone (don't worry I'm obese so I can stand to lose the weight). I'm so happy to see the pounds dropping off, but then today I recognized that I haven't been eating much again. I'm obsessed with weighing myself every day, sometimes multiple times a day. When I exercise, I push myself past my limit, to a point I nearly collapse. I can't have my foods touching. I can't eat around people.
I start with a new T this coming week. She specializes in EDs, and part of me wonders if that is partially why my old T transfered me to her. I know there are other reasons too. I'm terrified. I don't know that I want to work on it with her, yet at the same time, I do. I was to lose weight and I want to do it in a healthy way.
Anyways, not sure what I'm looking for with this post.
Celtic
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I think I can talk about some things easier with my T than others. I have 'touched' on the subject now and then just to see her reaction, which is none.... I have patterns and when one coping skill is not helping release the pressure, I move on to another. Right now Pills (prescribed, but self medicating) along with not eating much seems to be helping me cope.)
Like you, I am in the normal BMI range, but when I started therapy a year ago I was 50 pounds heavier (some of that was due to the steroids I was on to help with the accident I was in)..... But I don't think T's take it serious unless you are skin and bones... and I for one have never been skin and bones.... in College I use to eat everything around and then purge, later, I would eat everyone's food, of roommates, purge and then go to the store and have to rebuy everything so they didn't know..... I was trying to feel an empty hole...
This whole not eating seems to be feeling a different need for me, but I am not sure what it is.. possibly this is the same for you?
I weigh myself at least 3 or 4 times a day, if I go up a pound, I start to panic, but I am now average normal BMI and I know I am still a long way from trouble until I get 11% under normal BMI... so I just like not eating, and like you I am not hungry, it feels good to loose weight, although I still feel as fat as I did 50 pounds ago....
I understand not being hungry, I try hard to drink an atkins drink in the morning for protein and to take vitamins,,, sometimes I can only get half that down.... someday I get that and maybe a small amount of protein or low carb item down.. but leave most of it....
So I think maybe you and I are going through the same thing... loosing weight feels good.. especially when you are not hungry doing it.... I think the worry I have and maybe you do too, is that it's almost like an addiction.... I like it, I don't want to quit and it is helping me cope... not sure from what..... but it is..
Maybe that is why your T transferred you, to help you cope? I don't think you or I are as much focused on the body image as much as maybe it is connected to some sort of trauma??? that we are trying to cope with????
I don't know just kinda a guess... but that is the best I can offer
