I've been google stalking my ex. (I'm not really sure why. I think maybe I was hoping to find some sign that I actually meant something to him. I'm a fool. I know.)

So, I find his 'secret' porn account. (Who creates a porn account and uses their gamer tag? Really? I know he gets a liking for words and tends to use them repetitively but **** me that's a level of stupidity I didn't think him capable of.) (I must add he should be thankful I want closure rather than revenge, a link to this sent to the right people would humiliate him.) (I can't say that hasn't crossed my mind though.)

There is one thing that has bothered me the most about our relationship. I would be considered commitment-phobic, I do not attach easily and so I have had trouble understanding how he got under my skin so easily. Especially when I distinctly remember being uncomfortable with his initial clinginess.

Listening to his interactions with another member of this site he is on (once I got past my initial crazed reaction that seeped through 5 band aids.) (Rock bottom, perhaps?) I noted the similarities in how he 'courts'.

He moves fast. So fast that you don't realize he's serious until it's too late. It simply doesn't occur to the average person that someone could be that in deep at that speed and so you dismiss it. It's just some random cutsie joke that you go along with. "Oh ha ha, yes I luffs you too."- until it backfires. "But you said you love me!"

Next he plays the sympathy card. All his exes have cheated on him, he doesn't know where he would be with out you. He clings and you feel sorry for him. You want to love him. To make him feel better. (I imagine I shall be a great story for this- "OMG, my crazy ex that totally abused me!")

Before you know it, you've fallen. You're in deep. That's when he whips it around.

He starts drawing away, all those sweet little things he used to do are no more. He barely speaks to you where he used to obsessively message you.

You can't figure out what you've done wrong. It must be you. He used to be nice so now you're the one clinging. The one doing the chasing. The more he pulls away the more effort you put in.

Realizing this now has been a big wake up call for me. I've spent so long blaming myself for my stupidity. For ignoring the warning signs. For being so pathetically needy

But now I know. Now I understand that what he did to me was a tried and tested technique. I wasn't the first and I was never going to be the last.

It wasn't my fault.

This begs the question though. If you have an abusive ex are you obligated to tell the new partner?

I don't think it would be a good idea. I know if someone had told me that when I first met him (and he was so perfect) I would never have believed them.

No doubt it would just end up being more fodder for the crazy ex story.

At least though, I feel a little calmer and the need to stalk him is now at a manageable, less obsessive level. Maybe I've finally found my closure.

But when I start crying and moaning about him like a little itchB in the next two weeks someone point me to this thread. lol