I too self medicated for a long time with drugs, alcohol, and other things. It is how I coped and buried things in order to function. Of course in the long run this stopped working. I was at an extreme emotional bottom. 20 years later with lots of hard work I can honestly say I love and accept myself and have a high self worth. I still deal with depression and anxiety. I haven't found the cure, but life is manageable and overall I do ok even though the depression has had a huge affect on my life. It got much worse after I got clean and sober. How I did it was meds and lots of therapy. Also lots of hard work in AA and Alanon. AA was for addiction but it helped me in so many ways. Didn't cure depression though.

I would keep meditating. Its a very good thing. Check out CBT, DBT, exercise, maybe meds. Lots of things you can do on your own or in therapy. A good support network is essential in my view. Start on the path with healthy things and not addictions.