Mowtown, the scenario you have described took place because of "Hitler's" hatred for Jewish people that was due to his early years of feeling not good enough to fit "their" approval. The individuals that got this whole ideology started were "crazy" loons. So many Germans were "intimidated" into following along with this horrible mindset.

When you really look at history, even now, take your pick because so many "groups" of individuals have been persecuted and murdered by some "crazy ideology". Many Christians have been murdered/executed simply for being Christians too. And Hitler was not interested in Christianity either, he wanted to have his "own" religion and be some kind of god himself.

That being said, these feelings you are discribing are part of the PTSD symptoms. The reason you have these doubtful challenges is because you struggle with "stress" and with PTSD, that has a physiological affect too. I struggle that way myself so I know how much of a challenge that can be.

For myself, as you know, I have been "trapped and disabled" with dept from something that happened to me that was due to another person's negligence. I have not been able to break free from this challenge for over 7 years now. My neighbor kept blaming me, told me I should have "shot the damn dog" too. I have also talked a great deal about how my whole family was angry with me for breaking down too. I wanted to have the PTSD be part of my case and was warned how the opposing side would open up my history and "I" would be put under the microscope.

When I did have a deposition, my ex-lawyer who is Jewish, stopped the questioning and gave a long disertation about how he is "not a bad Jew" and there are definitely bad Jews that are lawyers, then talked about all the Jewish lawyers he was friends with that were good Jews and philanthropists. My deposition was all about "him" not me and so I never got to finish being deposed, he kept forgetting all the scheduled dates the opposing attorney made to finish deposing me. My ex-attorney was trying to deny he was failing mentally and in that deposition it just seemed so important to him to defend
that he was not a "bad Jew". Oh how I wish that deposition was video tapped to show what took place that day. He was not defending me that day, he was defending "himself" and it was so strange. He had been in the top ten in the entire country for a while in his life, which I had not known about. He had such a need that day to talk about "Jewish" people so you are not the only one that has some kind of deep challenge about that. He even had to make sure he made clear that he was not a practicing Jew and that he married a Catholic woman and "let" her raise their children with the religion of her choice. Seriously, that is how my deposition went, oh how I wish I had a video of it to show, it sounds so unbelievable doesn't it? I had taken 1/2 a Klonopin that day and prayed I would not experience a flashback in front of these strangers fearing they would not understand it, and when I experienced them, forget it, I was trapped in them for however long they lasted. At the time I had no help with that either, no money to have help either. I wish I had a video to show the opposing attorney's reaction that day too, I never felt so alone and embarassed and I did not know what to do Mowtown, I really didn't, it was so awful. Then I was asked who got hurt the worst, and I stared down at a diagram I had drawn to show where they all were and how it happened and I went into a flashback and there was nothing I could do, I could not respond or get out of it. The deposition ended with that and I could not wait to get out of that room. I had all I could do to get to the bathroom and I can't even remember "how" I got to the bathroom either. All I remember is sitting on the toilet in the stall in the bathroom shaking, oh I just could not get "warm", so cold, I was so cold. I don't know how I even made it home, I should have never been alone that day.

Oh, I didn't mean to talk about myself, but, just wanted you to know that you are not the only one with this deep challenge. Oh, how I wish I had a video that I could show you what happened in that room and my lawyer's long disertations, where I did see that in him that took over my deposition that day. I never expected to experience that kind of situation and I was in no condition to experience that either. I could not even talk to the opposing attorney about it either, she witnessed this and here I am in a situation where I can not even talk to her about how creepy that deposition was because she is the opposing attorney. I had this crazy double whammy taking place and I had no "help", I wanted so badly to talk to this other attorney but I couldn't.

Well, my main reason for talking about this is to show you how you are really not alone with this deep challenge or "fear".

OE