You're situation is very similar to mine. I've had chronic insomnia and sleep apnea for most of my life so I refused treatment for psych issues because I attributed everything to insomnia. I told my doctors that all I needed was sleep. I managed without meds for a while but eventually my sleep deprivation, stress, and who knows what else got to me and I had a horrible episode that landed me in and out of the hospital over the course of a year.

I also hate the meds as they have caused weight gain and other side effects for me too. All I know is I can't afford jail time or another hospitalization so my goal is to be stable on as little medication as possible. You're right, BP is not cool or glamorous. Hollywood makes it seem as such but the fact is, people with this disease often suffer miserably. I hope you resolve your insomnia. I'd like to recommend a book to you that has helped me; Say Goodnight to Insomnia by Dr. Gregg D. Jacobs. Good luck to you.