I never came back here after I posted this. I was nervous that people would judge me. I'm sorry but I have had bad experiences on this forum with bad experiences from judgmental people. Thanks to all of you for your hugs, thanks, and comments.

@Mike_J: Yes, I saw several psychiatrists years ago when it first started. They put me on drugs. I didn't want to take the drugs because they made my mind cloudy. I have not seen anyone since except the occasional general practitioner when it got really bad to get Xanax, which I will only take for a week tops. Benzodiazepines are seriously bad.