Thanks everyone for answering !

@ Christina;
- I think that will be I'll do, thank you !

@ Hamster;
- Thank you! I feel much better right knowing that I'm not that much in the wrong here. And yes it's just like that kind of jealousy.

@ Skeezyks;
- Thank you! Again you post made me feel better about myself and thank you for the long response. I agree with the ball is in her court idea. It's frustrating that there's not much I can do about any of this except give her space if she wishes to take it.

Just now she send me a message on WhatsApp just to ask how I am. I try to keep the discussion simple and not about our relationship because it makes me uncomfortable to chat with her when she is with her bf. Especially when she doesn't respond for a long time and my jealously reaches it's peak and these thoughts like "I know what's keeping her" begin to rise up. It's petty and stupid I know...

I've prepared for pain as I've been feeling it for a while now in this situation. And I've shared my thoughts about it with her and she is really deeply sorry about it. Before we kissed I asked if this was something she was doing intentionally (stupid of me I know) and I clearly offended her. So I doubt that she is a player.

It hurts when I'm away from her. And when I'm with her I only focus on being with her because that's when we both feel good. So could I have one more moment of intimacy with her before I ask her to choose? If I could be this selfish? Because I don't know when I'll have another one with anyone.

Luckily though gentle & kind are my true nature. I'm the kind of type who's always there to support anyone. But in this case it might even result in my downfall if I get too big of an urge to help her.

The cruelest - but at the same time the kindest - gift of the world is that we never know what will happen. So I'm familiar with the idea that even if she leaves her bf now for me she might get cold feet and go back to him. Or meet someone else. One thing at a time.

I think I've poured my heart empty again .

Thank you as always!