Well, I posted this in the New Member section and was told to try the Bipolar forums. Apologies to anyone who finds this too long.

A little history- Was diagnosed with Depression in 2004 while in my last year of school. Then had an episode every year which was cyclical- 6 months of severe depression followed by 6 months of 'everything feeling alright, lots of energy, fun n frolic, creativity, productivity'. (As for the years before that, I was pretty good at studies though I don't remember too many 'happy moments'. Just lots of studying to 'come first' in class, and little of anything
else. Also remember avoiding social situations, and just being very scared.)

It wasn't till 2006 that I actually accepted something was really wrong and that led me to try to find out what was wrong and ways to counter it (basically ways to counter the absolute darkness that envelops you in depression and makes you completely dysfunctional). My mother took me to this Yog and Naturopathy Center and I almost instantaneously struck a
deep 'friendship' (for want of a better word) with the person who ran the center. I followed every instruction with determination, and things got well (and not of the hypomanic variety). Unfortunately, after a few months, I started neglecting those very routines and lost touch with the person, thinking everything is under control. The symptoms returned
and I had to leave my studies again. 6 months later, everything was 'well' again (probably of the hypomanic variety). The cycle continued.

Then I had a major manic episode in 2009 which led to the diagnosis of Bipolar. For an year, I just closed myself up in a room, playing the stupidest computer games possible and watching TV. Nothing the psychaitrist said made any difference, though the meds did seem to stop or ease the 'torture thoughts'. There were also a couple of psychologists in the mix, but nothing helped. I had almost decided that this is the best I could hope- that the
pain wouldn't be unbearable, and that I wouldn't go 'crazy' again.

Around the end of 2010, I again thought of 'that person' (Yog n Naturopathy center), went to him, and things started looking up. Started a business venture with a friend too, and this went on for a year. Went off the meds (without consulting my doctor) and had another manic episode for a couple of months, followed by an year of depression, closed up in a room.

Then again trying to work with 'that person', some success, going off the meds, another manic episode. Then another 10 months of severe depression, which brings us to the present moment.

So here I am, 26 years old (almost 27), with no college education, no job skills (the traditional variety) and blessed with an illness that the psychiatrists tell me will be my friend for life. My biggest hope is 'that person'. Probably the reason why I haven't attempted suicide yet (that and the fact that I'm not the bravest person around, though you wouldn't want to test that during the manic phase), and why I still think something good can come out of this 'hell'.

Anyway, I would really appreciate it if I could find some virtual support here, maybe make some friends. Esp. people who have experienced this disorder themselves and succeeded in managing it. Would also love to hear about alternative therapies tried, and people who remained 'stable' without meds. Also all the weird mood swings, and the amusing/terrifying things done in the manic phase. Other perspectives (no matter how 'out there') of why this disease happens.

Most importantly, currently I'm like stuck. And I need to take baby-steps again (establishing some basic eating and sleeping schedules, exercising, something creative to fill the day, visiting my psychiatrist n MOST importantly, going to 'that person' and center again). So suggestions in that regard (overcoming inertia and lots n lots of failure) would be welcome. Thanks.