I would say you do not want to start again then. Is there anything safe that can help with the withdrawal process? Herb?

They really are a catch 22. Here is my case.
I have had depression since I was 13 and I am 50 now. Five or six years ago anxiety showed up and I have no idea why. never had a drop of anxiety in my life and handled lots of stress very well. Great addition to my disease. One year I was having really bad anxiety and had to drive across the country and return to a demanding job. The only thing they would give me was ambien for 30 days to try to get my sleep in order. I had to take three of them to get four hours sleep when one is supposed to give you eight hours. My buddy had 60 he didn't want so I was able to get 30 days of some relief. After awhile it went away on its own. 9 months later and severe depression kicked in and I lost that job. Horrible horrible anxiety came with it. It caused pretty bad paranoia and delusional thinking. I was at very high risk for suicide. Not from depression, I am used to that, but the anxiety and paranoia I could not handle.

I spent the next year trying everything i could think of besides benzos. They would not give them to me. Nothing worked. Muscle relaxers, vistaril,......useless. Meditation, relaxation techniques...impossible. My anxiety will eat through drugs like muscle relaxers or ambien. Finally i went in and told them they were unethical and demanded klonopin. My pdoc relented and gave it to me. I knew it would work and it has. I was very very close to actually committing suicide. Had it all planned out. I decided to take klonopin fully knowing all the risks. Nothing but rarely some very mild anxiety now. What is someone to do in that case when benzos are the only thing that will work? There is nothing else. I am very worried about tolerance build up and withdrawal and I am going to start scaling back and go to PRN. I take .5mg twice a day now for nine months. If I have to take it the rest of my life I don't care as long as it works. I don't get withdrawal from anti depressants or caffiene but who knows about benzos and me. I don't know what to do. I know I cannot handle the horrible anxiety and paranoia I was having.