Down. Still. Tried to be happy, but it's so hard and tiring. I try and I try but it isn't helping. Can I just sleep forever? Wednesday. Just have to hang on till Wednesday. Pdoc appt but I'm not wanting to go. I'm broken there is no fixing it. My brain is broken... they don't know how to fix it and I don't think they ever will. Back to work tomorrow. And another day of falling being happy because no one can know I'm broken. I don't even like my wife knowing that I'm broken. It's time for bed. What if I don't wake up? Would anyone miss me? Time ticks and nothing happens. I'm just empty nothing lifts the depression. I can fake like a pro for a time then it shows for a little while in that time my wife makes a comment and back to the faking. I hate this crap. Fml. What did I do to deserve this? Grrrr....