I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 months and I'm having some reservations about continuing seeing this person.

First of all I have a gut feeling she doesn't like me, my self esteem is extremely low and she is exactly the kind of person I often avoid in the real world. Even though I don't know much about her I imagine she's upper middle class and a bit of a snob but is this just my own low self esteem or my negative thinking? She has tried to accommodate me by rescheduling my appointments so she's not late. This is a mental health clinic with a large waiting room and many clients waiting for appointments and the therapists have to find a room before coming to get you.

One thing I've considered is if she's having some counter transference towards me, like maybe she's worried I'm developing a crush on her but I'm afraid to ask. I have to admit I do find her very attractive, intelligent and mature but I would never be inappropriate or disrespect her boundaries. In our last session I did mention that I'm thinking of dropping out of therapy because I don't want to get attached, the truth is I was testing her to see if she would show any genuine caring but she acted like she could care a less whether I show up or not. Another thing I mentioned was that the relationship between the therpist and client is ultimatly fake even though I would like to believe it's a real friendship and she agreed with me, I guess I should appreciate that she's honest but still. I even mentioned my birthday is coming up next week which is always a very depressing lonely time for me but again she showed no compassion or didn't even bother to say happy birthday or anything. I came away from that session feeling very hurt and uncared for.

This therapy is making me feel even worse about myself and more suicidal. I know it's not her job to give me self esteem but to help me find it. One thing I always do is to try to get self worth from others. But I'm beginning to feel like a sucker for opening up to her telling her things about myself I've never told anybody, making myself vulnerable to a person who doesn't give a **** about me.

One other thing this is the third therapist I've seen at this place and so far she has been the most professional out of all the others but it still feels very cold, uncaring and calloused.