Hi everyone. This is my first post on this board.

I have posted about my home life and reactions to medications before here which is relevant to all this:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/survi...eful-help.html

Basicslly, I was in a really abusive home environment.I went on ssris when I was 18, and things got really weird.I had great grades and was due to go to university, but fue to the side effects, I got stuck at my dad's for years.I was psyhologically worn down by the living environment and the side effects and withdrawals, and became stuck at my dads. My mum kept telling me I needed medication. I was blamed for the side effects and made to stay at my dad's as punishment. I had severe anxiety disorders,( although living with my dad would probabbly make anyone anxious,) but i could work before I went on the tablets.After I went on the tablets, I ould have such bad side effects that I quit university twice, and quit my job and never worked again, (I did a course during a period that i wasnt on the tablets.)

the best way I can describe it is that it's like extreme agitation. I would be violent to myself and others, I would be uncontrollable, it was like something else had taken over me. I would feel a compulsion to act. I would say stuff that I would never normally say and do stuff I didnt want to do- like I rashly quite uni during one of these extreme bursts of agitation, when I had been planning to stay prior to that moment.I took an overdose of my tablets due to this energy I didn't know what to do with. These effects tended to start within a few weeks, but when I took roboxetine, it started within a day.I become 'hollow' and feel intense anger.After it 'blew up' I would feel eerily calm. I had never been like this before.

I have never had a history of abusing drugs or even drinking, but when I would go on the ssris and come off them, I would use drugs.One time it was just smoking weed.Another time, I spent 2 months smoking and injecting heroin- that is totally out of character!!

I have had a similar effect from st johns wart as I have had on ssris and snris

I was always blamed for these side effects, and when I would come off the medication, which was generally due to not being able to tolerate it, I would have withdrawals which then lead to a more severe depression which then lead to me going back on tablets...and the cycle continued.

I have only very recently got away, and I'm 26. It was hell being there. I was never talked to about what was happening,No one ever called a doctor for me. I was just told that it was me, and my dad would call me an 'animal' and a 'headcase'. I left school with 4 A grades, and had a good careers ahead of me, but i ended up being trapped in a oom having continous side effects and withdrawals for 7 and a half years, My parents always thought it was my fault, even though I had never shown any bursts of rage unti I started taking these tablets

I am now away from them. I have been to see a psychiatrist and told him that I have had these reactions to ssris and snris, and that I would probably have it on any serotonergic drugs. I was going to him for help with depression and anxiety. He prescribed me quetiapine, and said that he wanted to build up really gradually. So, he wanted to start me on 25 mg and build up to 100mg within 3 weeks, and then build on that amount as necessary. I have taken it for 2 and a half weeks, and have already noticed a difference.I was housebound having constant sie effects and withdrawals for 10 moneths and then was housebound due to depression and bpody dysmorphia fpr another 4 monbths. Within the last 2 weeks, I have started going out again.

However I have looked up quetiapine, and I suspect that my depression and anxiety is being treated as though I have underlying bipolar.Why else would he prescribe quetiapine on its own?? I am definately not schizophrenic, and I went to the doctor with depression, and quetiapine isnt an antidepressant on its own.He's an NHS psychiatrist and I cant see why he would prescribe it off label for depression when I havent tried all the 5 types of anti depressants yet, and it isnt even an antidepressant.I have only tried the serotonin ones, so why would he jump onto prescribing me an antypical antipsychotic. I know it is best to speak to the psychiatrist myself, but i wont get a chance to for a while.

Could anyone please shed some light on this, and let me know your gut feeling on it please? the last 7 and a half years since I started taking the ssris feel like a dream...as in literally a dream.I feel very sad and angry about everything, and would appreciate any feedback