I don't know if this will be helpful or not .. but for me getting out of my most recent and deepest depression (which was 3 years in the making and the last year being the deepest pit I've personally known), has required at its base that I first accept where I'm at and accept that it's part of my own process. That as bad as I have felt, there has been a reason for this time in my life.

Just that process of acceptance has taken time.. it can be difficult simply to sift out "I accept myself and accept my need to go through this experience" from things like "I accept I'm never going to get out of this" which is not the kind of acceptance I'm talking about. For me it's taken some time just to get to where I could locate my starting point, just to be able to start from where I was.

To "start from where you are" you've got to be able to be where you are, and not berate yourself about wherever that is. It takes time, as when we are not depressed it is fairly effortless to start from wherever we are, and so it is a skill we have to develop.

So, my advice to you is to keep trying, but try from where you are -- not from a place of shoulda woulda coulda -- I should be able to do such-and-such better, if I hadn't gotten behind I could be in a better place right now -- when you hear those thoughts, wave them on. Personally, I thank mine for sharing and then bid them adieu. Sometimes I picture them on a movie screen and then cross the words out.

Hope you will be feeling more well and soon.