(too worried to answer the last one)

looking at the things that happened and I did today I would say it was a very good day. I did some really interesting things with interesting people. I even went out and didn't drink. was rather calm that way but alright. they all thought I was on drugs or something. I was seeing a concert and even had a nice chat with the band. I wasn't showing a bad mood or anything to anyone but just acted normally. I also got very good news from another friend via email, I got invited to a party by a girl who I thought didn't like me (maybe it's true but she invited me anyway) and I did some things I wanted to do during the last couple of days and had always delayed. one of these was a lot less work than I had expected because of a lucky coincidence. no actually all of them went really really smoothly so far.

but I felt really bad, very tired. never felt even comfortable during the whole day. I hate that.
things get me down so easily. but they don't get me back when they're good. it's like a oneway street. this is so unfair.
I tried to be happy about some of the things but didn't put pressure either.

I should at least be relieved or whatever.
I can still do things! I can "not get drunk" when with people. good things can happen. I can talk to strangers which I didn't use to. I saw many interesting things today. I had many interesting thoughts today. I was able to socialize at least a little bit although I didn't feel good. I still don't feel good. I want that feeling back so bad. it's just a couple of days ago. it's like the sunlight has suddenly gone!