Hello sadpanda808: I'm not supposed to be posting in the women's forum. So I apologize in advance. However, your Thread is so close to my heart, I feel that I must reply.

I'm so sorry you have run into this difficulty. Before I comment further, I want to just tell you a couple of things about me so you have some idea of where my thoughts are coming from. I'm in my mid 60's. I have been transgender all of my life. Although I am biologically male, I always felt as though, inside, I was female. However, I never did anything about it such as going on hormones or having gender reassignment surgery. I have lived a largely male life. In fact, I managed to keep my transgender psyche a closely guarded secret until just a few years ago.

Obviously your boyfriend has a problem... actually maybe several problems. And cross-dressing is not necessarily one of them. Many people enjoy dressing in the clothes of the opposite gender. There have been times in my life when it was the only thing that kept me marginally sane. The problem your bf has, I think, is he doesn't appear to know what is motivating him to do this &, most importantly, he appears to be embarrassed & confused by it. I'm pleased to hear he is seeing a therapist. This is important. I do hope the therapist he is seeing has experience working with individuals who have gender-identity issues. From what you wrote, it sounds as though the T your bf is seeing is on the right track.

The other problem, however, is your bf's involvement with uploading pictures onto the internet of himself cross-dressed & his persistent lying to you about the whole thing. Perhaps it is because of my age, but it strikes me that uploading all of these pictures onto the internet is a much more troublesome issue than is cross-dressing. I don't think I can even speculate with regard to what the motivation is there. This is something for your bf & his T to figure out. As far as the lying goes, this may simply be because of his embarrassment & confusion. But it does suggest he is not above deceiving you in order to be able to protect himself. (Most of us "gender-confused" types develop this propensity.) The chances are, I would say, he's likely to do it again in the future if circumstances warrant.

My experience tells me that gender-identity issues are, by-&-large, tenacious. (Mine certainly has been. I always hoped that, as I aged, my gender-identity issues would fade. They have not. In fact, they have become even more overwhelming as I have aged. And I have read that this is not unexpected.) Other kinds of gender-identity issues, such as cross-dressing I believe tend to be similarly tenacious. So, even if your bf & his T are able to sort out why your bf is doing what he is doing, this is unlikely to mean your bf will stop doing it. What it means is he will better understand what it is that motivates him to do it. He may also learn ways in which he can satisfy his compulsions in a safe manner, which is important.

If in the end, your bf should conclude he is transsexual, it's possible he may decide to undertake some sort of transition. On the other hand, if he concludes he falls somewhere else on the gender-identity rainbow (there are many resting places & many labels) he may decide that he must follow some other path besides the traditional male one. What pathway that may be remains to be seen.

So what does this all mean to you? Well, I don't know. And, to some extent that is the point. No one knows. So, if you intend to stay with your bf, you are going to have to be both flexible & forgiving for some time to come while your bf & his T figure out what's going on. And there's no guarantee where it will all end up. So, from my perspective, what you must figure out is whether or not, & to what extent, you are up for going along on this journey. It could be exciting & have a happy ending. Or, in the end, you could be left with a handful of nothing.

So these are my thoughts at this point. I would be glad to correspond further with you either here in the forums or via private message, should you wish to. I wish you all the best as you continue to struggle with this dilemma.